Jack the Mental Retard
by DarkLink23
Summary: Jack's diary of the festivals. This one is about the vegetable festival.CHAPTER 3 IS UP! ( I hope these stories make it to cp. 20 or higher! )
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own Nintendo, or Harvest Moon.  
  
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Joey the Mental Retard  
  
Day 1  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Hey, it's me again. Today I went to the greenhouse to water all the vegetables as usual, but when I walked in, I say that all my plants were dead! And I thought, " Joey, you forgot to water the plants again! Now I don't have a plant to take to the vegetable festival!" Then I remembered the VERY old and rotting cabbage I had in my back pack. I pulled it out and smelled it. It didn't smell any worse than my cow's crap, so I brought it to the mayor at the town square.  
  
Joey, is this your. The mayor, for some extremely-not obvious reason at all, passed out. He didn't seem to need medical attention, so I left him laying there unconscious. I walked up the stairs, and put my very old and rotten cabbage on the table next to the not at all rotten and very fresh tomato that Karen brought. ( God she is hot! ) When the judge came over to inspect the vegetables at our table, he passed out when he looked at mine. I wonder why?  
  
Dark Link#23: Well, I'm looking for about 5 reviews if you want me to write chapter two. See Ya! 


	2. The Cow FestivalContest Thingy

Disclaimer: I don't own Harvest Moon.  
  
NOTE: The festivals I'm writing about aren't in order.  
  
Jack the Mental Retard  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Guess who's writing to you! Me! That's right! Today was the day of the cow festival. I entered my cow Mimi in the contest this year, so I was hoping I would win today. I went to the barn to feed my other cows and sheep, but when I got there, Mimi wasn't there! I was worried. And y'know what calms me down when I'm worried? Milk! So I went back to the house and opened the refrigerator, and there wasn't any milk there! I went back to the barn and milked another cow named Kaci, and drank the milk right after I milked her. Then, for some reason, I started spazing on the floor from all the bacteria in the milk. I wonder why?  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Ann's Dad: Where's Jack? I told him that if he was going to enter his cow, he had to come or else Mimi wouldn't behave!  
  
Moooooo! Mimi pulled out the sickle that she had hidden in her mouth the whole time, and began to run around wildly, trying to KILLL!  
  
Ann's Dad: So that's why the mouth looked horribly disfigured!  
  
Back at the farm..  
  
I finally stopped spazing ( if anybody knows how to spell spazing, tell me! ) and went to the cow festival. Mimi seemed to going insane again, so I just stood there like the mental retard I am, and watched my cow attempt to massacre everybody in sight. She finally stopped, and threw away the sickle. I walked up to Ann's Dad and asked, " did I win?" he just stood there like I was a mental retard, ( which I am! ) and passed out. I wonder why? 


	3. The Radio's Can of Beans!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harvest Moon, or Radio Disney.  
  
NOTE: Thanks for all the reviews! I really appreciate them, and this chapter is about the time when Joey goes to a radio station for no apparent reason!  
  
Joey Goes to the Radio Disney Station!  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Yo! When I woke up today, I was for some reason, not in my bed, but in the middle of a sidewalk in a city. Then I had a flashback of an angry mob chasing me after what happened at the cow festival, and I guess they got me after I went to bed, cause' I remember being gagged and knocked out. I really don't know why the villagers did this, my cow only tried to massacre everybody, she only knocked out the mayor and impaled Kai, and nobody liked them anyway. So I started walking, and walked into Radio Disney's broadcasting place thingy. I walked up into the Dj's room and he told me to be the Dj, because he had to go screw his girlfriend. I sat down in the chair and somebody called.  
  
Joey: Hi! Who's this?  
  
Kayla: Kayla from California.  
  
Joey: What do you want?  
  
Kayla: Can I request a song?  
  
Joey: Sure!  
  
Kayla: Cinderella by the Cheetah Girls!  
  
Joey: That song sucks! I'll sing the Hokey Pokey for you!  
  
Kayla: What?  
  
Joey: Do the Hokey Pokey! Hokey Pokey! La La La La!  
  
Joey: Wow that was good! I think I'll start a contest now! Caller number 4, wins the prize if they can answer this question: What tastes better, chicken fingers, or chicken nuggets?  
  
Joey: Hello, who's this?  
  
Mary: Mary from Maryland. Joey: Okay, what tastes better, chicken nuggets or chicken fingers?  
  
Mary: Chicken fingers.  
  
Joey: Nope, sorry, the answer was tomato soup!  
  
Mary: How can the answer be tomato soup when that wasn't a choice?  
  
Joey: I dunno. If anybody can answer this question correctly, I'm looking for caller number 8!  
  
Joey: Hello who's this?  
  
Harry: Harry from New Hampshire.  
  
Joey: Okay, what tastes better, chicken nuggets, or chicken fingers?  
  
Harry: Tomato soup!  
  
Joey: Harry you won!  
  
Harry: Oh my GOD! What did I win?!!!!  
  
Joey: A can of beans!  
  
Harry: I won what?  
  
Joey: A can of beans!  
  
Harry: I won a stinking can of beans?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Joey: Not just any beans, Refried Beans!  
  
Harry:............  
  
Joey: (thinking: He's so happy he can't speak!)  
  
Suddenly the original Dj came back and said he was done screwing his girlfriend, so he would take over.  
  
I'm looking for about 10 more reviews, so tell me if he should go back to Flower Bud Village! 


	4. Retarted Memories

NOTE: I'm sorry I haven't updated in a long time, but I couldn't figure out what should happen next, so, like, sorry! I don't own anything.  
  
Dear Diary,  
Hi! Guess who it is! Moe the magical monkey that lives in a pine apple under the sink! No, just kidding! I had you going for a second there, didn't I? Personally, I don't know how I'm writing to you if the villagers burned down my house, but oh well. While we're on the topic of my house, I might as well tell you about my life before the vegetable festival. Villagers: He's gone..  
  
Jack: Who?  
  
Rick: Your grandfather.  
  
Jack: No, he's in the pretty box sleeping!  
  
Pupori: Don't forget Rick, he's a mental retard, so he doesn't understand things very well.  
  
Rick: Oh yeah. Um, okay Jack, he's sleeping in the box, not dead in the box. Hey, where'd he go?  
  
Jack: ( Grandfather's body is lying on the floor ) Now what am I going to put in this shoebox?  
  
Villagers: ???????  
  
I don't really know what was wrong with that, I mean, I just wanted to use the shoebox to keep all my pet fish in! After I put them in there, they just flopped around. They might have done that because I didn't put any water in the box, but I was afraid my fishies would drown, so instead of putting water in the box, I put dirt and pencil shavings!  
  
Dad: Are you sure you want to run the farm in your grandfather's place?  
  
Jack: Sure!  
  
Dad: Okay, I'll come back to check up on you in three years.  
  
Jack: Okee-day.  
  
I don't know what should happen next, so help me out people! 


	5. I don't have any ideas! HELP!

Jack the Mental Retard again  
  
Jack: Hmmmm....... I think I'll start a chat room!  
  
Later that day,  
  
Jack: Yay! My first question!  
  
Dear Jack,  
  
My parents will only let me invite 4 people to my birthday party, but I want to invite 5. What should I do?  
  
Bob  
  
Jack: Invite me of course!  
  
Bob: How will that help?  
  
Jack: I don't know.  
  
Bob: But you're supposed to help me!  
  
Jack: Bob, let me tell you a story. One day I entered my chicken, Bob, in the chicken festival. For some reason, my chicken didn't win. It could've been the fact that it layed no eggs, or maybe it was because it's head was chopped off. But that isn't the point.  
  
Bob: What does that have to do with anything?  
  
Jack: Never enter a chicken in a chicken festival.  
  
Bob: Then what would you enter?  
  
Jack: My cow, Mimi!  
  
Bob: But it's a chicken festival!  
  
Jack: Duh! That's why you enter a cow!  
  
Bob:????????????????  
  
Guys, I can't think of anything! HELP!!! 


End file.
